Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How naked do you want me to be?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
