I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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