THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
