you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You've changed since you got that strap on
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize