watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
