I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
