My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
