Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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