i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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