We won't sleep together?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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