I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
