I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
