At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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