and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
