pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
