yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize