so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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