the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
