Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
