i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
