billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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