Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
