I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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