Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
