thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize