But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she told me i tasted like america
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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