Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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