I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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