Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
