I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
