Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
