Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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