I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
