Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
