dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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