her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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