I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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