So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
