wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
