I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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