he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
