I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
