Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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