And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize