There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
