i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't trust your balls anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
