here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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