why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
