why didn't you poke me back
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
