Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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