Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
