so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
