Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
