just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
