I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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