From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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