Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
