When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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