you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
