Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize