There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
