My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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