wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
