The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
