..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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