my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize