i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was born a porn star she said
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
