I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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