someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
