I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
