I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
