Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
