Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
