do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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