I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
