People with herpes should wear stickers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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