i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
