Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize