Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
