Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
