i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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