My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found the puke drawer
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
