I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wanna go halves on a baby?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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