Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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