i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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