I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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