Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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