Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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