too bad you live with your parents still
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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