They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
