I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
