I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
two words: eviction party
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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