Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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