well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
