worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
