the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
