I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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