You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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