I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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