Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
