I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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